I think that journal skins should be open for all members, yeah? THANK YOU NINJA ASSASSIN for this temporary one. Okay so Thanksgiving is tomorrow and me and my mom have been cooking since she got home from work. She decided to attempt a cheesecake recipe. lol. im terrified of tasting it, but it makes her happy :]. Well anyway, SHE'S LEAVING ME TOMORROW for D.R. I have thishorrible complex where i believe the worst wil happen to anyone in any situation. It's really bad. Like if I'm walking and I see someone almost get hit by a car for jaywalking. My mind goes something like, Oh man, if they got hit, they'd be splattered all over the place. It's gory I know, but how I am. And I'm frustrated as hell cause limewire wont connect, so I can't download squat. :[. Pissed off cause I haven't got my permit yet. and I'm 17 -_-. I'm cold and tired. HAH i told myself I was gunna go to sleep as soon as I came home at like 1 ish. I ended up going to the mall and pathmark. I'm eating ice... brrrrrr. The sky looks really ominous. Like a really bad storm is coming. It looks like our town could be located somewhere in alaska when it snows. anywho. I think I'm going to sleep now. I'll edit tom I guess.


Does anyone else feel like this holiday season is going to be a lonely one?
:/

I've been thinking about myself lately. Before I couldn't seem to decifer all of these weird feelings I've gotten this past month. But now, I've realized that maybe subconsciously the butterflies in my stomach have been a Bastard alarm. My ex-boyfriend is a huge jerk to his girlfriends. We stopped dating right before Freshman Year. After about 6 months, he treated me like shit and I hated him. And he has treated every girlfriend after me the same exact way.He has a new girlfriend, sophmore. She's a cutiepie, she really is. And she's sweet too. I don't know what is is, but the fucking idiot just keeps popping up in my life like it's nothing. And so the alarm goes off. And he starts talking to me again. And he starts smiling at me again. With those stupid fucking dimples. And when he walks away I always mutter,"Bastard". And he is one. He's a Bastard. A jerk. One who keeps stealing my heart, and making me fall in love all over again. If you ever read this, bastard of mine, I love you. And I hate you. I hate you for hurting me, time and time again. I hate you for making me leave. I hate you for making me jealous. I hate you for being with her. I hate you for being so beautiful. I hate you for smiling at me when I see you. I hate you for making me fall for you. I hate you for making me look for you at lunch every day. I hate you for making me love you. And I love you for it. You Bastard.

Watching Twilight, surprisingly. This movie distracts me so much. I love it! Hahah,well my father just came here for a visit. From North Carolina.. Sigh. I really want to upload more stuff. I'm done wiht being lazy. But ooooh am I hungry. For like.. a burger. FIVE GUYS! That is an awesome burger joint. Expensive though. OH EDWARD, HOW LOVELY YOU ARE. I've been on and off the love boat. Figuratively speaking, of course. At first I didn't give a damn about love and boys. But now, they're all I think about. I'm a teenaged boy crazy girl. Typical I say.

Some Beautiful Boys :
[link]
Luke Worrall
[link]
Matthew Gray Gubler

Well anyways, I've decided to watch my weight. I've been getting a little on the heavier side, I've noticed. Time to fit back into those size 5 jeans! Life should be colorful. OH MAN yesterday I visited my grandparent's house and found that my uncle has the most amazing computer room. He has a Mac computer, WITH TWO Wacom Tablets. He has like 12 hard drives, an Amazon Kindle, and all the computer editing programs you could find. I NEED THAT. lol. I need it all! so hopefully when I find a job, or... hm... maybe I'll make my christmas list.. next journal entry!

I've just been wondering lately, what drives us? Is it the need to feel accepted in life, to succeed, or to have money? Well, today I've realized that everything; all my insecurities bring me down to the point where I cannot function. And yes, it is a horrible quality of mine, probably my worst. But it's also the hardest to control, and push back. So here's the scenario: I was at my volleyball game in Pascack Hills (let me tell you, they're on their shit) and their playing scared me so much I became very insecure. So insecure, that I had to cry. It was a horrible game, and I played horible, but I guess that's just my low self esteem talkign again. I could've played so much better, and I know that. It's just disappointing to know that you worked so hard for something, and yet when something brings you down, you stay down.


edit later

Vacation was fantastic. Finally got over my eye contact thing and started up a conversation with a cutiepie at the bus stop. Met a hot French Guy, a hot Greek Guy, and a tourist, Haha! The food in Greece is so much better than here. I've got a wonderful tan and some great clothes. Also!!!!!! I took some great pictures of London and Greece. Who wouldve known that Athens had so much grafitti? I also drew some crazy shit, very vulgar but cool at the same time. While in Greece I drew a lot of sketches of the photos I want to take in photography class. I also fell for that guy you know you can't have, so that's a downside. Oh and also, I have a big crush on Matthew Gray Gubler. I don't know if you've seen him, but he plays Reid on Criminal Minds... THE BEST SHOW ON EARTH<3. I love him haha.

Let's see.. in Greece I went to the Aguatiti Boutique. It's like an open club by the beach, AWESOME. Oh and the drinking age is 14 over there so .. hahah you know

I'll hopefully be uploading stuff today. We'll see how it goes.